my film degree haunts me

This morning, I shot straight up out of bed at 7:30 to write this blog post. It is now 9:30pm and I still have not figured out what to talk about today. But I guess one recurring topic of conversation that has haunted me since last May is, “What now?”

On May 25th, 2022, I graduated from college with a Bachelor’s in Electronic Media and Film production. I did a lot of video work during my time in college, whether it was for my YouTube channel, the Towerlight Newspaper (a student-ran publication), and my film classes.

After graduating, I was a 22 year-old who thought everything was going to fall into place just because I have the luxury of saying that things up until that point in my life pretty much went smoothly. I hadn’t the slightest idea of how to hold myself in a job interview nor did I consider how to put together a video reel.

Straight out of college, I had a pretty big interview for a job that 22 year-old me was not ready for. All I’ll say is it was a dream job of mine and a straight shot into an industry I’ve fantasized about breaking into since I was 11 and I absolutely fumbled the interview but part of me was also relieved(?) Part of me knew I was not ready and still had much to learn and I wouldn’t want my dream job until I knew I would be able to show up and commit to it every single day. Plus, I still had a YouTube channel and wanted to figure out how I would shape my identity on there.

So “What now?”, I asked myself.

Summer after graduation was pretty brutal because it felt like my full time job was sending hundreds of copies of my resume and cover letter down a garbage chute every week. Since I’ve graduated college, I have taken lots of orders, made peoples’ coffees, driven some food here and there, scanned peoples’ groceries, sold a bunch of video games, and answered dozens upon dozens of phone calls. I’ve made a bunch of videos, but not anywhere near as many as I had hoped since graduating.

I realize as I’m writing this, I might sound like I’m complaining about where I’m at in life and about how I’m not using my degree but I really just want to document this odd stage of my life right now for me to look back on. It feels like I’m in the waiting room right now as someone approaching in their mid-20s.

I have no idea where I’ll be a year from now- hell man, I can’t even visualize where I’ll be in July- but I just want to keep myself creative, keep writing on this blog, keep trying to edit videos, and not lose sight of that. I’m hesitant to upload this post because of how vulnerable I’m making myself but I guess that’s all the more reason to upload, right?

If there’s any corner of the internet I can come out and talk about this stuff, it’ll be here moving forward.